If we could love them sober, this board wouldn't exist. If we could talk them sober, this board would be gone. If there was any one thing we could DO, we wouldn't be here.
The fact is, we are powerless ... over people... over places... over things.
The illusion of control, is just that - an illusion. When I FINALLY figured out that sometimes GOOD things happened WITHOUT my input, my meddling, my fingers in the pie... well, first I was shocked. Then quietly, pleased. Because that was my first inkling that I was not in this alone. That there might be a force in the universe Bigger than me. And that Something/Someone might just have a better plan than me.
Amazing stuff. And what a relief to realize that I could let go a little... breathe a little... and just let my addicted loved ones live and breathe without my constant surveilance.
(((hugs))))
I think giving your brother a hug is always a good thing. Showing love is a good thing... What I know for me is true is that I need to remember to try to NOT plan outcomes. For example, "if I hug him and show him how much I love him, he will feel better and not use"
That sort of outcome is unrealistic, and shows that my love is conditional. Unconditional love is something I only learned about when I got to Alanon... and then only after several months of meetings, and I think I only learned HOW to actually DO it after a year or so of trying.
I wish you well, I do know how confusing this all is in the beginning. But all the things we do and try help us learn what works and what doesn't... for our loved ones, and for us.
((hugs))