(((((((Parajito))))))))
Thank you for sharing this process with us.
Your hurt, anger and sadness, you know, are signs of health.
"And- he's the victim. He's trying to make me out to be the bad guy. His perception of reality is so distorted that now I kicked him out, I've never loved him, I can't accept him for who he is, if I wanted this marriage to work I'd be affectionate with him. . . it's all madness!"
He HAS to say this..He HAS to *believe* this.
If this weren't true, all of his excuses would come crashing down and he would, actually, have to behave like a rational, mature adult and start making wise choices. This scares the living crap out of an alchoholic/user. I mean it *TERRIFIES* them.
*DENIAL* at all costs!
I ditto what Redbear said.
"I have to deal with the sadness this is going to inflict on my daughter- whom I have tried to shield from this chaos."
I understand that you both have to grieve the loss of a pretty special past reality and dream of family. I am no better, I still grieve for not having a healthy father or mother.
I hope you will consider that, IMHO, what you are going through right now is too hard as it is without you also trying to "shield your daughter from the chaos".
This is a mess of awful on many levels, thats true. But it is also a golden opportunity to teach your daughter about life: the good, bad, ugly and inbetween. Your example, your trials, your accomplishments, your ups and downs are one of the best educations she will ever receive.
(Mom and daughter): Enjoy caring for eachothers basic needs (nutritious food, good exercise, good conversation, good laughs and good cries, taking breaks, support groups/recovery work) and let it flow after that. Give in to the grief when you need to. Be gentle with yourself and eachother.
I am inspired by the potential you have at showing your daughter *HOW* to make some great choices for health and wellness. She will be more wise for it and will, in turn, make good choices, hopefully. I speak as an adult child of 2 alcoholics.
love to my al-anon family,
Growing