Allright! A crappy day thread! Bring it on. Seriously, I am right there with you Pajarito. You know the similarities of our respective stories and this past weekend was another brick in the wall. I can completely relate to the simultaneous feelings of anger and grief, particularly when it comes to the infidelities.
I've been home from my 6-week stint at that little guest house since Dec. 1, and all the reasons I left continue to play like a broken record. I'm seeing an attorney next week, but AH is going to make the final scene from this marriage an unforgettable one. He knows it's over and there's no chance for reconciliation. We're stuck living with each other due to finances, otherwise I'd leave again. He continues to "try" though, telling me things I always wanted to hear before it was too late BUT alternates these with nights of drinking/driving and cell phone contacts to the woman he had an affair with 2 years ago. We spent a year in therapy rebuilding the marriage after that, and I truly thought we would be one of those couples who came out stronger than when they went in. I spent much of this weekend wandering around my house crying randomly, feeling hurt and victimized all over again - - - this despite the fact that we're done and I'm filing before the end of the month. All the memories, pictures, hopes/future dreams, blah, blah, just rips my heart out. It's terribly frustrating and sad to be in that limbo-place between being married and being divorced. Like knowing someone you love has terminal cancer, they're dying, you've grieved that much....but they're still not dead and you can't do the rest of the grief work until they actually die. Very very hard, these husbands and lovers. So much joy, then so much pain.
We will have to hang in there a little longer, yes? My 50's have GOT to be better than all that's come before. Take care.