Pajarito, you and I share a similar story. I wasn't married to the XABF, but he brought back another woman into the picture to tell me "hey, if you don't want me, SHE definitely DOES. If I would accuse him of getting back with her, he'd say "well, if I'm going to be accused of it, I might as well DO it." Sheesh, how pathetic.
He's back with her (so much for there being nothing going on), and couldn't get a decent woman (defined as a woman who wouldn't settle for his lying, alcoholic ways) to save his soul.
I am so much stronger and wiser about myself and about him since we last spoke. Today is a major milestone. He walked on me because I laid down the boundaries and said I would not travel with him to London if he were still drinking. That was August/September and tonight he is scheduled to fly to London with the current "lucky lady."
But something changed. In me. I became stronger woman, unwilling to settle for the crumbs of the man who "loved me with all his heart" yet committed so many heinous acts.
So, I have been half waiting for a phone call or email from him today, gloating. And if so, and decided to answer, here is what I would say.
R: "Are you sorry you aren't the one flying with me today?"
Me: "Actually no! You did me a great favor. Everything you have done since we last spoke has convinced me that my decision not to go with you was the absolutely right one. You proved that you have not grown into an adult since turning 50, instead you are continuing your decline. I grew stronger and realized that you have nothing to offer a woman, you only offer the position of a belittled caretaker. So thank you, from the bottom of MY heart. You could have had the best, but you settled for the worst. So live with it. I have to go, because I'm busy getting on with the best of my life."
Zero intentions of saying that to him, but I love reciting that speech in my head!
Pajarito, you are a strong, wise woman. I have really enjoyed reading your posts. You are so far away from that old silliness of the AH, and have made yourself a better life. If you're like me, these down periods are so much shorter in duration than they used to be, and you get right back on track. So shake this off, and you will in your own time, and get back to living! Really living! What he's doing is just existing, which is not enough for US!