One year later
It's been just about a year since I last spent time with my XABF. I still work with him but have little contact. Can't say it's a healthy environment though. Nor can I say that I'm completely out of love with him. Maybe it's normal to admit that I will always love him in some way. On the other hand I know how completely awful he treated me at times and just how sick I was or even still am to have feelings for him in the first place.
Currently I have a very nice boyfriend who knows very little about this past situation. He does know that I've dated jerks, substance /verbal abusers. He does not know that he my last boyfriend was married or that I still work with him. He thinks the world of me. He treats me with the same respect and understanding that I gave to all my past serious relationships. He thinks I am beautiful and funny, he's gives me everything I thought I ever wanted in a boyfriend. And...yet I find myself 2 months in having problems, or rather creating problems.
Tonight he was all excited to take me to his Christmas party where I will meet all his co-workers for the first time. And they are all excited to meet me because my boyfriend hasn't had a girlfriend in 12 years! (his last GF cheated on him and he gave up women at that point) I feel the pressure already. Also I got a little worked up over a change in plans that we are now being picked up by a designated driver and taken to a pre-party. I feel out of my element, meeting all these strangers who are so curious about me and now I'll be at their mercy for a ride home. My boyfriend insisted that I will really like them and I guess I fear I won't because I hardly every really like people until I've known them for some time. Even then I find things I dislike. Well the conversation about this change in plan just turned into me confessing that I really wasn't looking forward to this. Later on we began to argue over the silliest of things. Our arguments are hard to describe they are mainly very frustrating misunderstandings that keep going on and on. He struggles so to understand me. It makes me sad and I wonder just how bitter and unhealty I am. Does he really deserve a women like me who can't even just be glad that he's excited to show me off. I was so happy when XABF wanted that. WTF is wrong with me????