Please forgive me for what I'm about to say, ronii, but....
Maybe you've finally realized that you deserve much, much better than a man like that. It took me a long time, but when I did, it was an overnight switch.
I woke up one morning and thought, "How dare he do that to any living soul, especially someone as nice as me. And how could I have LET him? "
And that was my first step toward healing. It's the day I heard for the first time the lyrics to the Keb Mo song that goes:
You're down on your knees
Scared he's gonna leave
But if you really wanna know
You're gonna have to let go
´Cause that's not love
Love don't feel that bad
That's not love
It don't feel that sad
No that's not love
'Cause you don't feel good inside
I don't know what it is
But that's not love
Hugs to you. You will get better, and this will all work out, if you protect yourself like the deserving child of god that you are......and your kids too!