5Stars

I have been sitting here wanting to post my situation/what I feel ect. but I cant think of what to write. I dont feel anything....

I think I am hurting, or I know I should be hurting but I dont feel hurt. Every once in a while I feel a pang in my heart but after a few seconds it is gone.

I think I have finally had enough.

I have so many reasons to be sad....

1) My XAB has taken all the money from the account out and went out on binges..
2) Due to his binges and calling in sick from hangovers he lost his job Wed
3) My children and I were without electricity for four days...finally got it back on because the Salvation Army paid it for us
4) my sons birthday is tomorrow
5) My account is overdrawn (all because of him and the bank is no help, they wouldnt let me close it until all items had posted and each day he overdraws it more, I blocked his atm card but he found out and unblocked it and withdrew more money..left me $40 of the 100 that was in there and and that was before two transactions posted so its overdrawn now)
6) Unemployment for me has been a lengthy 2 month process and I have yet to receive a check
7) my car is about to be repo'd for non payment
8) my other car has expired tags and I am scared to death everytime I drive because I cant afford a ticket
9) my ex husband hasnt paid child support since July and our house is in forclosure

That about sums it up I guess....

For some positive notes...I have four beautiful, happy, fun-loving children who adore me and who have gotten to sleep in mommy's bed the last few nights because XAB is gone (who they call daddy) :0( ..... We have a beautiful christmas tree and christmas lights all around the house and we are going to make the best of this christmas possible even if it is just the 5 of us drinking cocoa together xmas morning together and opening the little gifts I bought early (smart mommy) and already stashed in their stockings...and the most positive thing of all is XAB is now 3 hours away from here and will have a really hard time getting back here to bother us now that he's convinced his whole family (of alcoholics and drug abusers) that I am the evil one...


But what do I feel?? Nothing... maybe the hunger pang every once in a while...probably because I havent been really eating...but I can barely cry about my situation...I'll read a post that erks a nerve here and there and shed a tear or two but nothing like I should....am I in shock?

Anyone been through a similiar situation where they feel nothing...is it the calm before the storm? Am I gonna have a nervous breakdown? Is it post tramatic stress? Should I be worried...
Or am I just a super-amazing woman? My kids are 3 & 3 (twins) 2 (tomorrow) and 9 months old...... Maybe I have just reached that breaking point and give up....please write to me