I see what you guys are saying... it's an association thing... but the thing is ... is when he has been here and going through WD's... grant it, he was pretending it was the flu... and would magically appear better in a couple of hours, (which is how I'm conditioned) - that i was so bitter and annoyed and didn't look after him. In fact, I would get really annoyed that he would come down and be sick. SO... because of my being annoyed he would go and use again... so he was good company. YES, he was lying about it.
SO ... i want to give him TLC so he associates it with being honest.
But honestly... I'm a bit annoyed. I've got the for real flu... and I have a few times since knowing him, and he has NEVER looked after me... Yes.. he lives long distance, but still... he could have come down to help me or just be with me.
I'm debating to say he should not come down at all this week... I want to show him my support... but a week ago.. I was so strong and detached.. and now I'm right back to being worried about him!
Last night he was asking if it were okay to take a vic or split a 30 oxy over 4 days! He wishes he had thought this through and not done it cold turkey. Well he is 9 days clean... but still struggling with wds.
He goes back and forth still if he really wants a sober life. WTF ??? I can't hand hold him when he is thinking that way, but at the same time... I'm a hypocrite because I just want honesty!
Guys... I don't know ... there are times where I just want to be selfish and detach... even though I love him, but I'm scared that I might not know him as being sober... like for more than a month.
My inner child is screaming at me to leave and to not turn back and to totally detach and more on ... but I am not doing it. Can love really be that powerful?
Plus I'm sick and depressed from it all... so I feel like I"m not in the position to make any decisions.
I'm sorry for being so long winded....