I agree with Bigsis. Your house your rules. I have been around many situations like this with my mom and my brother. Actually just the other day my brother told my mom to F off for no reason, my mom lost it, and slapped him, put her hands around his throat and told him "I will kill you with my bare hands, you have pushed me this far, I will kill you and sit in jail with a smile on my face"...and I think he got the fright of his life.
This addiction drives everyone to do things they would never do. You want us to tell you that your a crappy mom, but your not going to hear anyone here say yhtat. You are trying to help your daughter, you gave her rules, boundaries and she keeps breaking them. And for a moment you lost it, dont be so hard on yourself, we all have come to a breaking point in this addiction.