sjr

last night was a horrible, terrible, ugly night. it all starts quite early, i got off work a little early last night and was going to go get my nails done. (trying to do a little something for me) my friend is a nail person and was gonna do them for free, seeing how i have little to no money right now. she was giving it to me for xmas....well, my daughter calls me on my way home, and says, 'can i have some money to go out and eat?'...i say sure, if you can do something for me...she says what... ,me "i need a clean drug test"...she knows the deal ...no clean drug test, no money. eat at home. that starts the yelling...you know i can't pass a drug test, i smoked pot like two weeks ago...i say well, if you pee in a cup for me and all you fail for is pot, i will give you money tonight to go out and eat, and then in two weeks when the pot is out of your system, you should test completely clean, and we will go from there...she again, yells & tells me i am stupid, blah,blah,blah...i'm like what is the big deal, i am giving you a shot here. to prove yourself. finally she says, well i am not sure if i will pass everything else...what else would you fail i ask...she says she took a perkaset (sp?) the other day...so now in my head i am thinking well if i get her to still test i can what else is in her system. i haven't tested her since my 2:00am trip to walgreens a couple of weeks ago....she pitches a fit won't test...i say well then no money, that is the rule....on to the good part,

i go get my nails done, come home....well, yesterday i got a new cell phone because they we're having a really good deal at my provider, and my phone though ok, not great. (i use my phone for work as well as personal). she hasn't had a cell phone in months. her's broke...(she throws it and all that stuff)...she noticed my new one, and wanted my old one. again i say, i can't give you that until i get a clean test...she gets in my face in a rage...telling me how she wants my phone, is going to have my phone. goes in my bedroom and starts to pull everything out of draws looking for it...i say you know all you are doing is making a mess and it isn't even in there....trying to stay calm at this point....she does this for a long time...my room is completely a mess now. she comes out and trys to grab my purse from me. i of course won't let her have it. she same purse i sleep with so she won't still my money and meds. she is fighting me over this purse. both phones fall out of the side pockets where they were and she says i'll break your new phone in half if i want to.

then...she grabs the old phone off the floor, i say give it back to me you can't have it...of course she says no...

now here is the really ugly part, i wan't even sure if i wanted to tell you guys because i feel like i am getting ready to be railed. but you all have been here for me through the other stuff lately, it would be a lie to leave it out.

so here goes....(deep breath)...i go to grab the phone out of her hand and she doesn't let go...she pushes me, and i snap. i literaly lost my mind. i hit her, not once but several times. she of course hits me back and i am now in a 'fight' with my daughter. this is not my nature, i don't 'hit'...i have talked about spanking in my last thread, yes, i spanked...that's the butt...this was a fight like two crazy grown women would. i finally come to my sences as i am on the floor with my child and get up...i tell her she can have the phone and use it to call her dad to come get her. she leaves.

i am honestly now sitting there waiting for the cops to come and take me to jail. she said she was gonna call them.i called a friend of mine...and said keep your phone close by i may need you to get me out of jail tonight, here's my mom's number in case you can't. i was getting prepared to go to jail!

the phone rings it's my mom, she had talked my daughter out of calling the cops she says...we talked for a while, it's around 2 am by then, i just sit up all night waiting...

the cops didn't come...and she didn't come home...

i don't know where she is right now...i can't believe i lost my mind like that
i feel like the BIGGEST LOSER PIECE OF CRAP MOM IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!! i hit my baby...alot!!!

all over a phone???????? i had said i was going to turn the service off on it today, imo...she pitched a complete fit for it...she got it...same 'ole...my mom asked me not to. trying to keep the peace my mom is...

i don't know what to do now...i feel terrible, i feel like i hit some wall, i feel like i lost it, and i did.

so that is the long and short of my story for last night...i'm ready ...go ahead guys, tell me what ya think of the crappy mom that hits her kid...i deserve it and will take it.....s