Thank you for your words. I know I need to end it. He is horribly abusive and I am awake tonight trying to think of 1 redeaming quality that he has. He can be very funny when he is sober. He can be nice to my kids when he is sober. That is pathetic - oh yea- he remodeled our house and worked very hard. He told me tonight we are not even in the same realm - my work and his - my work is candy a*s. It is not my fault he did not go to college or get a trade so he doesn't have to work manual labor - which he hates. It is his choice. I told him we could send him back to college. He says "FU".
Nothing Chris and I do is good enough which is funny because Chris made the basketball team in a new town at a horrible school, he is making friends and made honor role. I have been working very hard at all hours of the day- I had my first 2 sales and have lots of leads. I can make it and make it good in this business - I could work part time some where but I have no place to go . I have 2 dogs - a son in college that I am paying for along with my son. My mortgage is in my name - we have credit cards - we remodeled this river house and knew that for 4 years or so - we would have to stay here. He told me he would never let me stay in this neighborhood much less this house - these are his people. I told myself I could do it for 4 years but what for. To be belittled by someone who everyone who has met him says I am so much better than. He claims I am uppity - because I won't get hammered and high. Claims I don't like his pot head friends - which never come here - I hold firm about that . He even told me he hates me and to quit acting like his Mom who never Mom'ed him at all.
How do I detach until I get my ducks in a row. We do nothing together. I read someones brain damage post and I swear he has it. You are talking to a damaged person - lights not on. Years of abuse must do that. He told me tonight he would not contribute to our family bills anymore. Ever since we have been together I have mainly supported this family - his parents helped his end. His last wife supported him too. Even getting this business started I have made what he makes and we have shared expenses. He says that is not good enough. Why not? He says he says he renovated the house and should be able to keep his money for him. WTF? I truly hate him - I feel sorry for him - I love him sometimes - I love having someone but I don't have anyone. I can't call him if I need something - he cuts his phone off when he goes to bed at 7:30 or 8 so If I am showing a house and have trouble - tough. If my car breaks down - he won't pick up- I got stranded in a bad part of town cause he was drunk and could not get me. He told me I was obligated to have sex with him as I took vows. I told him - you be with someone to show them you love them not out of obligation. He says he will get it somewhere else. I have become so accustomed to his sickness and asking his family for help I am sick of myself. I tell nobody I know out of shame and they all warned me. My older son will be home for 1 month this week! YAY! He won't come after me or Chris when he is here. I will sit the boys down and talk with them. I have nowhere to go- I can't lose my dogs - they are family! He actually is jealous of my greyhound who I am mad about. I told him - I am close to him as he is kind, smiles when I get home - spends time with me and walks with me. My dog is more of a husband than he is. He told me I was the worst wife a man could have and no man would ever be with me. I am a fairly attractive woman - am selling $600, 000 homes so I have to look the part of a successful agent. He tells me he knows I am having sex with men in the neighborhood. I told him I was shocked a man could talk to his wife like that. He says all this is my fault if I would not nag - there would be no problems. This house is not really mine - I don't care about it -. I sold most of my furniture as we down sized to be on the river where our boat is. He said that is his too - all those checks I have written mean nothing. He says before he met he had no debt and I have ruined his life. He lived at his parents extra house for free - his Dad bought him a boat and his grandma bought his car. What the hell was I thinking. What a loser - that must make me a loser.