Devasted -
so understand how you are feeling. Early on I felt those same feelings and found that developing my own recovery program made such a huge difference for me and my serenity and happiness. There are many meetings that I go to where babies/children are there. Anything that he puts before his recovery he is going to lose eventually anyway. It's a long slow road but it all sorts out.
A very wise counselor told us both in my RAH's early days that the only way that our relationship would work is if we both worked a strong recovery. I'm glad that I made the effort to do that - it has helped me so much through the last few years.
Peace, Donna