Mr. C, I value your opinion very much, and I thank you. I have started "working" the program and have a sponsor now. Thanks, I'm still not to sure that the program is right for me, I don't care if I matter to him or even if our children do, but I won't give up on ANY human being and I feel that the program wnats me to. I'm doing great and dispite this news today I will go to soccer games and watch my boys paly their little hearts out, I will do the shopping and make sure there is food for my children, this week I was able to help my daughter purchase her first car where she is responsiable for her own payments, she is off to college next year and I am very proud of her, my 2nd oldest mad honor roll and well my little one he is struggaling the most but I WILL make sure he does great in life, I will guide my children to be the best that they can and want to be. I have always "done" the right thing, and I will always chose to. I work, go to school and live my life to the fulliest. But I will ALWAYS love and HOPE that he will get better. I do not want to put the father of my children in the ground. I refuse to give up on him. If he calls and says drive me to rehab I will no question, but see the thing is I will do this for him not for me, would God turn his back on someone who asked for help if that person was taking the right steps to get better? I don't think so, no my God. my role in this is to pray, love and hope, if I give up on him I might as well give up on me. I know this is way off what most of you think that is why I have not come here very often anymore, I feel this way not because I'm sick and depressed or have no self esteem. I have grown so much in the last 2 years there is Nothing that I will not acomplish on my own. I need no man, no woman just me! Sorry but nothing binding me me to this man, BS I have 20yrs and 3 chidren pain suffering hope and Love binding me to this man