Hopeangel, I said a prayer for you. NOBODY can make decisions for you, you must make the best you can at the time. Don't beat yourself up just because you believe in second chances. Or four hundredth chances! But please, keep yourself safe too!
LaTeeDah, oh how I needed to hear about letting go of the dream today! The XABF is putting on a big show about his marriage plans on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't figure out why it bothers me so! You may have hit it on the head -- what he is doing is in direct conflict with my dream! My dream was for him to be healthy, sober, loving, respectful, and THEN I would agree to marry him and we'd live happily ever after. Everything he has done since we last saw each other has been the opposite, which on one hand confirmed my decision to step back from him. But it still rankled. Now I think it's because he violated MY dreams. I imposed my will on him, and that is not right.