If you are not ready to go and you want to give him another chance, that is your choice. I'd suggest that you seriously consider getting guidance and help for yourself as far as letting your feelings rule your life and major decisions in your life. As you can see from letting emotions rule, you end up tied in knots, stressed out, and feeling like you can't take it any longer. You bounce off the walls with little, if any, constructive results.
I had to teach myself to quit reacting to situations. It's challenging and it takes time, but it can be done. Perhaps you should prepare yourself now for his next bender or drunken outburst. Start taking steps to learn what you need to do in order not to push the button on the emotional blender that keeps getting you all stirred up.
I stayed out of the house A LOT. When I was home, I stayed away from AH A LOT. I didn't engage in conversations to discuss what we wanted or needed, what he was feeling, or what I was feeling. Going there can be a frustrating place. I'd suggest you start learning that your issues have to do with the fact that you are overly involved in your AH's addiction. You don't own it, it's not your place to make him see the light or discuss it with him, and you should start finding interests you can engage in with family and/or friends apart from your AH.
It might not sound pithy or particularly insightful, but it works.