Originally Posted by
hopeangel 
and STILL need A LOT of work
i choked at the last minute.
he said he would do this, but he needed me to do it-without me he would do nothing ( i know i know i explained that he had to do it for himself if he is serious and sounds like manipulation.) he could not promise anything though.
but, somehow, i felt like i owed it to him, myself, and our marriage, to give him this one last try - AGAIN, my name is hopeangel and i am STILL codependant!!!
..
This seems like blatant manipulation to me!!! You will go for change when you are ready...don't beat yourself up more. It is hard to allow change. Our sense of personal identity is a very fragile construct. We cling to the images and illusions we use to define our selfs because we don't have a connection to our inner core of who we really are. To change your life you will have to change yourself and the "image" you have of yourself. At the very least take the attention off of your AH and put it onto yourself. You have no hope of changing him. I guess I was fortunate that my STBAH (7 more days til the final D) told me in no uncertain terms that he was NOT going to stop drinking. I didn't have to deal with false promises anymore and that simplified things. At some point something will click with you and you'll make a decision that is right for you. Take care. Maryanne