OHHHHH Hopeangel.....you are gonna be fine and I guess you were not ready. That is OK! You will take action when you are ready. Don't beat yourself up. You gotta be nice to you. I remember when it was getting to be time for me to go, I would talk to my girlfriends (some of whom totally could not relate at ALL!) looking for one of them to tell me what to do...LOL! I am so glad that they didn't tell me. I am glad that I took action on my time because if I move out of XAH's when someone other than me suggested it, I would always second guess my decision. This way, I know I left on my time, with a clear conscience, after I had enough pain and basically hit my Al Anon Bottom. If and when you hit yours, it will be your time to take action. Be good to yourself. Hugs.