I was an animal with a name....these memories hurt...and I am sorry...but I don't know what to do
I can tell you this Rob. When I got to the room of AA I was AN ANIMAL without a shred of human decency left. You know what? They loved me anyway. They knew.
As time went on and somehow I was able to not drink and/or use, I came to understand that all those things I did, and would eventually make amends for were part of my ES&H that would allow someone else to identify and stay to find recovery.
That was over 26 years ago. It wasn't long into recovery that I started to become a functioning member of society again. And yes, I got my family back, such as it was.
You're starting on a WONDERFUL road. The things you have done, will become part of your experience, strength and hope to help others. As you grow and change in recovery, your amends will be made.
Stay in today, work on today, and slowly you will clear up the wreckage of your past. Many of us have been where you are now, and we are living proof that IT DOES GET BETTER!
J M H O
Love and hugs,