The abridged version....
Basically.... I was asking for help with how to deal with the ugliness and brutalility of the things I did when actively using and drinking...and they are ugly and brutal and immoral and selfish. The guilt and shame of yesterday holding me back today....making me question if I even deserve this second chance at life and hope...questioning if these thoughts are simply my addiction trying to convince me I'm too damaged and damaging to be saved...and I went into detail about what I did to my wife, my children....everyone I came into contact with basically....I was an animal with a name....these memories hurt...and I am sorry...but I don't know what to do