11pm. Sleepy.
I'll read and post here a while. Then I'll be knocked out...........until around 2/3/4am, then Im up again.
sigh...
I hope not.
Its like a twilight zone movie I once saw.........
Theres a guy lying on a couch speaking with a psychiatrist.........he says hes afraid to fall asleep. Hes sooooooooo sleepy. He wants more than anything to sleep........but...........he cant. If he does,.............he feels he will never wake up.
Man, Rod Serling had quite an imagination...............or were these movies about things he experienced. I often had my suspicions.
I lie down and as soon as my head hits the pillow...........bam! Im gone.
But a few hours later.........Im up, wide awake. Can no longer sleep.
I turn on my streaming internet radio. Listening to am talk radio. Mostly christian. It soothes me, relaxes and helps me get back to sleep. But even though, my sleep is superficial at that point.
So I go ahead and get up.
My panic/anxiety is fighting to keep its grip on me.
Sure I could go back to drinking.........but that would only set me back. At least I would sleep like a log after a nite of bingeing. Problem is, I would withdraw and feel really like crap by mid morning.
My hands and feet would still tingle well into the day, letting me know my blood alcohol was still high from the night before.
No more of that for me...........Id rather struggle with panic/anxiety. Its the lesser of two evils.
Im determined to beat this...........Im determined to get better...........I will beat this...........I will get better.
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