Welcome Robin,
The disease vs choice issue is one that gets hotly debated all the time. My view or yours does not chnage the fact that is sucks all the way around.
Your life has been rough as have many of ours. Someone quite recently told me that I got screwed...it kind if put it in perspective for me. You got screwed too and there is nothing either one of us can do about it.
About your mother today? We shouldn't have to parent our parents because of issues with drugs...we shouldn't have to parent our grown children either when they are addicts. There is not a whole lot of difference.
Personally I look at my own quality of life with the addict in it and with the addict NOT in it. I love my addicts (yes multiple) and depending on their own behavior I try to make decisions about my level of involvement. Let me ask you this. Do you love who your mother IS or who you wish she was?
Surely your mother showing up on your doorstep high and covered with blood is bad. I can't say I blame your husband for his stance...his children could be affected.
I have no answers for you except to say that you need to take care of yourself. You are an adult now, you have your own home and your own children. You are no longer being passed around among the family.
I wish you well,
JT