Hi Little One,
Like you, I am very new to this site. Coming here everyday has helped in a way that I can not explain. I work two jobs and go to school so I am only able to attend 1 (if that) Al-Anon meeting a week (I went to my first Al-Anon meeting on 5/21). This sight has come to be my daily reprieve. You will learn you are not alone and that this secret you hold within you has a safe haven to come to. You can cry, laugh, yell, share, vent to these woman and men and they will NEVER judge or tell you what to do. They just hold your hand and guide you back to sanity. At least that is what I have experienced since coming here and hopfully you will learn to trust this site as I have.
A little back ground about my situation. Like you, I was with my A (boyfriend) for 2 years. The first year he was sober and life was perfect with us. Then he started drinking and life on my personal roller coaster began. On April 9th, I left my A after one long year of HELL!! I couldn't do it anymore, I was beyond emotions. I stopped protecting him and let life slap him in the face (however, I still did call and tell him I missed him and loved him...thinking that would make him stop drinking). The first 1 1/2 weeks I was gone he drank himself almost to death. I would sneak over to our apartment in the middle of the night to make sure he was drowning in his on vomit. Then on April 18th I got a phone call from HIM saying HE checked himself into a 30 day program that was out of state. He now has 48 days and instead of coming back to Cali, he stayed and entered an IOP program.
You see (after this really long post), no one can tell you what the future holds and what to do. You need to follow your head (not your heart that will lead you right back to him). I know it is hard but you need to focus on YOU right now. I would suggest going (and take his mother) to Al-Anon meetings and start working the 12 step program. They can give you a lot of stregnth you didn't know you had. Hang in there. This is the hardest part knowing when to stay or walk away. Do what is best for YOU!! We're here for you and keep posting!!!! Also, remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
B