Originally Posted by wraybear

Sorry for writing a chapter of a book here...

I lived with mine for 13 years. It was tough. I didn't realize how tough it was until I got out. I was not the mother or person God intended me to be during this time. I was a basketcase most of the time. Not able to make decisions, feeling guilt and shame more often than not and not able to receive or give true happiness.

You have to decide if you are willing to do what it takes. So, you ask how do you live with it? I never learned how. I did it very unhappily. Maybe someone will come along who has done it successfully and tell you their side of the story. Hanging out here off and on for the past four years, I will tell you those who have done it happily are far and few between.

One happy woman posted on here once that she would help her drunk husband into the tub and wash his back with warm water and lavender soap to help him feel better. HEAVENS! I would probably try to drown my AH if I got him in the tub.

This is a progressive disease, and more than likely, if they don't get sober, their alcoholism will get worse.

Once the daily drinking kicks in, morning, noon and night, things will get worse...

If you are able and willing to take care of just about everything, on your own, ,then by all means go for it! Expect nothing from him.

FINANCIALLY - jobs will be hard to keep, which means paychecks will be hard to come by. When paychecks are coming in, most of it is spent on alcohol and and anything else they desire at the time. You will more than likely need to have your own bank accounts to make sure all the bills get paid.

EMOTIONALLY - unavailable. Except when their own emotions kick in and they are crying in self pity about their drunkenness and how they wish they could stop.

GOING IT ALONE - missing many family activities, parties, kids events, family functions, etc. If you are able to find a way to be at peace with doing things without an involved spouse, then go for it!

POSSIBLE DEATH - my AH almost died three times. Once in a car accident in which he was hospitalized for 2 1/2 months and our 5 year old daughter was hospitalized for 13 days with spinal fracture, liver laceration, intestinal tear. This is a man who is a loving, kind, giving, caring man. But once the obsession of alcohol kicks in, that is all he thinks about, how, when, where can he get more. It doesn't matter that he is putting himself, his children, me or others in danger. Yes, this is a kind man, a loving man. The other two times were due to heart failure.

I eventually decided if I was going to FEEL alone, then I was going to BE alone. And I could not tolerate the alcoholism being more important than the children's safety. Yes, after the accident, he continued to drink. And eventually I trusted him again, and he drove again drunk with the children. So, I asked him to leave.

After a while, I felt at peace for the first time in many years.

So, only you can decide, are you going to want to scrub his drunken back with lavender, or would you prefer to drown him ?

Obviously, I am being a bit sarcastic. But really, only you can decide what kind of life you will have, with or without him. And, as other posters said, not how, but WHY, why accept this kind of lifestyle? love? You can love someone, but that doesn't mean you have to live with them. Find out all you can about the progressiveness of this disease and make a well informed decision.