Hi there, Sounds like your life has been one roller coaster after another. Now your sitting in the cart wondering where all the excitement has gone!. My history was basically alot of avoiding issues as well with drugs and alcohol or bad relationships. But now sober and clean i am still picking up the pieces too. Its an ongoing process and I believe that if we can kick the habits that once had us hand cuffed then we can accomplish much more. Its a matter of finding out what you want. many here in sober recovery find it through there higher power via AA or NA etc. I found it via my saviour Jesus. I guess what I am saying is that you have to fill that void inside with something else.
Read through some threads on here and you will find that your not the only one in this world with those issues.
Take care
misslisa