Chynita
You sound like you know what the problem is. Now......when are you going to work hard to fix it? Do you go to any 12 step meetings? I have been sober 10 months and it has been a miracle in my life and the lives of all the people I love. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps with your sponsor. IT WORKS! I feel for you because it sounds like you want help and know you need help. It also sounds like you are still looking for someplace outside yourself to place the blame of your problems. If you are truly spoiled, then do something totally selfish for yourself. Get sober. Stay sober. Talk with others who understand and you will find that at the meetings. I won't tell you it's easy, but I will tell you it's real simple. My life has changed so much. I don't feel worthless, guilty, remorseful and weak anymore. I don't have to. I have found a higher power that can do for me what I can't do for myself. I will keep you in my prayers.