Midnightfrost --
I'm glad you are feeling better today; your post reflects the greater peaceful feeling you write about.
I just wanted to say that your response to feeling angry is soooo normal! I have so many troubles trying to decide how to best respond to my anger. I managed to learn how to stuff it during the 28 years I've been with my husband - his absolute avoidance of confrontation and angry feelings helped me to bury mine in an attempt to make him feel ok. Now I'm giving myself permission to be angry, and I keep trying to find ways to watch how I am angry and what I'm angry at. I think I'm doing ok, but I also worry about my sons having learned how to squash their angry feelings... If it's not one thing to worry about it's another.
I too wonder what it would be like to have an emotionally available partner. I want it to be my husband, but right now that's not happening. I know I was attracted to him, though, because he wasn't emotional; I could determine what and how emotions were expressed and he let me tell him what that meant -- not the most healthy way to go!
Anyway, I just wanted to give you another person's e-hug and hope for a good Thanksgiving.
(((((Cheers))))))
Me