First of all you are NOT a loser. Period. You messed up. Join the club. You know what you need to do and that is the first step here.
Besides that, I can so totally relate to you. My nana raised me part time when she could. I love that women and would give her my life for how many times she dug me out and how much love she gave me. But she is old and sick now. She barley knows who I am. A few years back I had to dig myself out of some extreme debt. It was hard, and it really sucked. I cleaned houses part time on my own besides another job. I made good money doing it but it was humbling. I ate a lot of top ramen and read alot of books. Finally I made it out of debt. And you can get on top of your game too. I know you can and I don't even "Know" you.
If you were a real loser you wouldn't even be on here. You would be with out a concious and not caring about your situation.
Everyday get up and find something good about your life. When you catch yourself beating yourself up stop it. It is just self defeating. Focus on anything positive you possibly can. Slowly and surely more good will come into your life. Obviously you have a gram and people on here that care about you and believe in you. Now all you have to do is feel that for your self. Good luck to you - when you survive this you are going to be so much wiser and will have lead others by your integrity.
Love and light!