Hey Chiy, Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are not a loser. You are a gift from God to your grams, to your family and friends and to us here. I haven't gone through exactly what you are going through, but learning how to live sober has made me feel like a big, useless baby A LOT. I have cried, I have whined, I have been miserable to my husband, I have been cranky, I have gotten upset about the stupidest little things...just like a two year old!! About all that is left is to lay down on the floor and have a big ole temper tantrum and my regression will be just about complete.
Seriously, you know you have issues, you're doing your best to face them, you've made mistakes, do your best to get things going in the right direction now.
I am too new to this whole sober game to give you better advice than that, and I wish I could help more, but you have lifted me up at some of my lowest times, so I hope my care and concern will help carry you along through this new time in your life too. Your emergence as an independent adult. You can do it Chiy! Hugs