You are most definitely in my prayers.
As far as al-anon or nar-anon, either one will help you. When I first tried recovery, I went to AA and NA. There were more frequent meetings in my town with AA and I just "clicked" better with the people there than at NA, even though alcohol wasn't my demon. Both are based on the same program and there are so many people addicted to drugs AND alcohol, you will get support whichever one you go to.
I truly hope he finds recovery, but not everyone does. I used to get high with people who had given up kids, jobs, houses, etc. all the time. I gave up a career in nursing, but am trying to get it back. The main thing is that you know you can work on you. You and your daughter deserve a good life - whether he chooses to be part of it is up to him.
You've already come a long way in your thinking....keep it up!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy