As I read your posts here cece, I notice you have a realistic understanding of the ways of your AS. I've walked in your shoes and understand your feeling of sadness. It's a normal feeling for Moms of addicts.
Addiction changes those we love and changes how we can relate to them.
In my experience, after feeling alot of sadness and accepting my AS was not a person I could trust, I learned to let go and not listen to blame, shame or manipulation. I simply did not want to hear, could not afford to hear any of it.
One of the greatest blessings of recovery is knowing we have choices and do not have to subject ourselves to things that trouble our hearts and minds.
I wish you well.