Hope -
boy, do I know what you are talking about.....I get that big thing on my chest - sometimes I even feel it deep inside of me and it feels like a nasty hairball that I just can't get up. It hurts/aches/defeats me when it's there. Generally, it means that I am triggered. It helps me a whole lot to have a sponsor, go to meetings, talk to another suffering anon, work a 4th step. Actually, working the 4th step really did help me to learn how to deal with all of the resentments. There are days where I have to sit and read daily meditations (one after another) and then that big thing begins to lesson it's hold. That feeling is the monkey on my back - and it's why I have to work an ardorous and daily program. Otherwise, that "thing" gets the better of me and my addiction wins.
Keep posting, try and learn more, know that you are NOT alone - that many of us share those feelings. I've been in recovery awhile now - I still do get those feelings but I'm grateful now to have tools to begin to deal with them. The feelings and emotions still hurt and feel bad - now they just don't last as long. That in itself is a miracle.
People that know "about it" but are not involved w/an addict or recovering addict have absolutely no scope of reference. I've found that it's best for me to only share information with other people in my situation. Inadvertantly, people that mean well say something that triggers me or sends me off (by myself) into those terrible rooms in my head where it's not safe to be alone. I go there and suit up in my victim dress and fall into the abyss.
Remember - move a muscle, move a mood. Faith without action is dead. One day at a time. Feelings are not facts. Fear is false evidence appearing real. This too shall pass.
Lots of love, Donna