I separated from my AH because of my needs and refusal to put up with his "stuff" any longer.
As a side effect, I hoped it would help him take responsibility for himself but that was not my motive in leaving him. I know I cannot influence him and his choices about anything other than the trivial. He will do what he will do for his own reasons.
I am doing well now that I am out of the madness. It what I needed to begin to heal and understand myself.