You're still thinking in terms of what YOU can do to get HER to behave differently. That's where I was when I separated from my husband, too. Ironically, he did stop drinking a few months after we separated. I don't know if it was the separation that brought about his bottom or not. Ironically, again, after I got some distance and began to work on myself, I decided I didn't want to be married to him after all. Life can take many unexpected twists and turns, but out of it all, I wish I hadn't spent so many years stuck. So many years focused on others instead of focusing on me and my life.
Best to you,
L