Recovery philosophy
I read so much about the spouse's or SO's role in this disease that I really do not buy into. My experience is that my behavior (ie detaching or raging or anything else short of leaving for good) has very little short term and 0 long term effect on the progression of the disease or the A's behavior. For years I neither enabled (doing only what is legally required as a spouse) nor raged and he still drank. I asked him if he wanted help and, now he is angry that he is "officially" an A (because an SA counselor and his Dr. told him he is). Nothing short of leaving him is going to improve mine or our son's life. It seems to me that recovery and support systems are all geared to the benefit of the A, not us. This board is extremely enlightened and helpful but I read things elsewhere that disturb me. I wish someone, anyone had told me about the 3C's and said "nothing you say or do is going to make one bit of difference, get out and save yourself".