Kitty
Detaching with love, can mean loving ourselves enough to stop taking any ownership of their disease.
I allowed my son to say and do things in my home, that I wouldn't have allowed another person on this planet to do.
When I discovered that, I decided that, like MG said, the addict side of him was a stranger to me and I would treat him like any other stranger in my home. He is now living in a clean house with other recovering addicts and that is the healthiest for both of us. Now, I will speak to him or see him on his "good" days, and if he has a bad day (even if he is clean) I remove myself from the situation entirely. At least my home is a safe place of serenity and peace and at times I consider it my refuge.
Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? If not, I recommend trying it. The support is terrific, from people who share your problem.
And please feel free to share, vent, cry, or laugh on this board as often as you want.
Hugs
Ann