I have had to learn a long time ago. That some questions have no logical results. Sad but ture. I drove myself nuts and all those around me trying to figure this out.
Life I thought was easy. There was correct and incorrect. However, addiction has no boundaries. Sometimes to surive we have to bend the boundaries to make them straight again. The answers will come but they only come in time. Who's time that is hard to say. They will only come when we and what ever HP is ready.
The answers do come to us. They may not the ones we want but they do come in time and after self love and healing.