Hi Mandi,
I am glad that you're looking for support here. You seem to be understanding that your thinking you are bothering people by phoning them, is your addict mind talking to you. It is okay to ask for help and you are so worth it. I think a big part of recovery is accepting ourselves for who we are. Many addicts, me included, use alcohol to hide from themselves. I didn't like who I was at all and wanted very much to be different. It's a long road to learn to like and love yourself, but you are worth it.