lateeda, for me i think it is more that i have always had the hope that he would do what i need him to do to save this marriage even though i have known that he might not. i know i can't expect that, but deep down i probably do. i think for me the real issue is that i have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he just might not love me or himself enough to do this. i know that with addiction you can't take that personally,but it is really hard not to.