Sugarplum
It sounds like you are already detaching with love. It can be very complicated, but here's what Melody Beattie (a great author on codependency says:
"Detaching With Love" (Oct. 20 reading)
"Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long we're all reacting to each other; and the problem escalates.
When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt or shame. When we get hooked onto a power play - an attempt to control or force someone to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us.
Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful - getting centred and restoring our balance.
Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today I will Surrender and trust that the answer is near."
I have a feeling your recovery is stronger than you think. I am so glad you joined us.
Hugs
Ann