Glad 2B of service
I'm sure if you think about for a minute you'll see that having blackouts, irregardless of the eventual outcome of your 'drinking career' as we call it, are in and of themselves potentially VERY dangerous. I'd say even more so for a woman than a man, if you catch my drift...
And believe me when I say ... your body chemistry will NEVER change in the way it reacts to alcohol. It is what it is, and I implore you NOT to harbor any illusions about that fact. Every single one of us here will tell you same thing in this regard, I guarantee it.
The good news is, once you begin to really face the reality of your situation and it truly sinks in that quitting drinking is a life or death issue ... it gets much easier to quit for good. Once you let go of the illusion that you can continue to drink (or take X amount of 'time off' and that'll sorta 'reset' you so you can restart) and have things somehow be 'different' than they now are ... you'll have taken the first BIG step towards recovery. This IS an incurable disease for which the ONLY known remedy is abstinence.
Take it from all of us. We've done enough collective research to fill a 1000 medical journals ...