(((Nuf)))
Sorry to see you feeling down. When I get into that state, I look at my behaviors. I know I need to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Doing those things daily helps keep me on an even keel. And usually, when I'm not doing well, I discover I'm letting one or more of those areas slide. But, being vigilant in those four areas of my life helps me remain free from medication.
It's often difficult to do these things when we are in the throes of depression. Try to make a committment to do one a day. Then, build up. Start with the easiest. Sometimes, we have to force ourselves to do them, but, force yourself as much as you can. They will have positive results in the end, as difficult as it is.
Having said all that, I wouldn't hesitate to use medication again if I needed it. I need to be very cautious. I am very susciptible to the effects of medication. But, I would use it rather than be stuck in the hell of depression again. Is there some reason you want to remain medication free?
I was also going to mention SAD. Is it the dark time of year for you now?
How's your granddaughter? And your step daughter? Is she doing well, I hope?
Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Shalom!