dreamygirl

It took time to put it behind me. I tried therapy initially before I left him - but they all told me what I did not want to hear - to GET OUT. My medical doctor told me to get out - that he saw all too many people like me in body bags eventually. He was very concerned for my safety simply because people who drink in excess or do drugs are unpredictable and he had made a few threats against me. He also turned into a mean, nasty drunk.

I was with him for 3 years before we married. A lot of people could not understand - they would say 'how did she get mixed up with him' or 'how did she not KNOW he was an alcoholic'.

I suppose only those of us who have lived this nightmare know. Because they are masters at maniupulation, charming, cunning liars! When we met he was finishing his masters degree and working a full time job. I tend to think he was on the wagon - briefly at the time. NO ONE ever mentioned to me he had a history with alcohol. He was only 36 at the time - but he had already had an episode of esophageal varicies at age 31, (THIRTY ONE and already had EV's!!!! That is due to many many years of HARDCORE drinking!) but he lied about that - told me it was an ulcer. He told me alcohol did nothing for him - once in a blue moon he would have a drink. He could control it that way. And in time I look back and now realize he began to drink again but never when I was around - well, when I was around he snuck it and I never suspected. But again I look back and recall him disappearing down in the basement where he kept all his clothes and stuff - and I assumed he was doing wash or whatever and he would come back up. I get angry at myself for being fooled - I can understand how it happened but it pisses me off that I was manipulated and lied to for sooooo long! And I married him under false pretentions, he never disclosed his history to me.

Once we married it was living hell. I honestly could not believe what I got myself into - it was an absolute nightmare! I left my dog (who is my baby) behind at my parents home because his dog (who I also considered my own) was dying of cancer and I did not want to upset him further because he did not get along with other dogs. For the first 3 months of our marriage I came to the realization that my brand new husband had a serious drinking problem and at the same time I was caring for our dying dog. I thought about leaving but - I could not leave this poor animal alone to deal with this drunken man as it was before we married and I moved in that dog must have suffered some horrible misery! THEN my husband euthanized the dog one night out of the blue without me ever getting to say goodbye, that nearly killed me. EVERYONE who loved me was absolutely blown away he could do such a thing to me.

After that - I thought maybe his drinking would slow down. Maybe he was drinking to deal with the pain of his dying dog. (DENIAL on my part.)
But it just continued - I could tell you some wild stories. And night after night he did not join his brand new bride in bed - instead he slept in a cold, damp basement with his booze - rarely even getting up to go to the bathroom and urinating in his pants.

Every week I would leave for a night or two and stay by my parents and go see my own dog to escape the horrendous life I was living - simply to go be with people who really LOVED me. I did not feel any love from him -when you ask me how I left, in time it became easier and easier because I just did not feel loved. I felt neglected, abused, criticized on a daily basis, called a *itch, a *****, accused of cheating and many other things. All lies. He also would not permit me to bring my dog to live with us months after his dog died. Making meals each night for a man who would not even enter thru the front door but rather came home and stumbled down the back stairs into the basement. I began to fear for my life - wondering what he might do to me at night or whether he would burn our home down. I also knew he had guns previously and I wondered if he still did. I would go into the basement when he was not home and pour out bottles and bottles and bottles of every kind of liquor you can imagine- but mostly CHAMPAGNE and BEER. Urine soaked pants were in our brand new washer - food scattered everywhere, candy everywhere because they crave sugar - tons of porn videos were found and I discovered he would go on the internet and look at preteen websites of clothed girls posing - legally - for the camera. But you ask how or WHY I could leave? Well I still hung in there, I made excuses - figured it was the drink that made him this way and if he could just stop. (DENIAL once again - this was a sick, sick man!)

So by July -when my parents went away on vacation for 2 weeks - and we had another week of his not sleeping in bed with me - I said I am leaving, I will be caring for my dog for the next 2 weeks and not coming back here, and I don't know if I will ever return. A few days later he called me to tell me he began to bleed - I told you the rest of the story and my horrible discovery. Him getting angry when I spoke to doctors and then being forbid to talk to them. But I already knew he was an alcoholic. I read every bit of info i could on the condition - I had hopes of saving him. Sending him to some expensive place, I would have paid for it (yeah like $20K - my nest egg would have been gone!) but he would not go. I took him to one place and he freaked out and made me take him home. They would not release him for 3 days as it was state facility but somehow he got out of it and they let him go. He drank again that night. I tried again - he went into a hospital rehab program for one week - but he got angry at me when he was there too. He lied to all the therapists, they could not believe I would stay with him, and thought he was nuts for not getting better in order to salvage our relationship. That was in September of 2005 - we were not even married a year yet (only 9 months) - and I was done. I could not talk to him anymore - because he just continued to turn it around on me over and over and over again trying to make ME believe I was the addict, that I was ruining our marriage, that I did not love him, that I did not care, that I was a witch, and a nut and everyone hated ME.

I just could not do it anymore - NO ONE, not you, me or anyone else on here should be forced to live like that - THAT is not love to me. THAT is not how I want to live. THAT is not a normal way of life to me.

I walked away - i said my piece through a letter and he ofcourse said I was crazy. He began to stalk me at work and was arrested on my work property for DUI. I got a restraining order - and filed for divorce. I told you about the trial 2 months ago and how horrendous he looked. Had not seen him in 2 years and he looked even worse. He had no job and was obviously still drinking.

I found out today that he drank himself to death. There were empty champagne bottles and beer bottles everywhere and vomit and blood all over. They say it was a horrible, very very bad scene. THAT is very very very sad. A sad way for a very sad soul to die. And a very sad way to leave those who love you - imagine his family and friends and the vision of his death that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. I don't even love him anymore - I lost any love for him years ago, he gave me no choice. But I did not want to see him die - and even though the love is gone, the vision of his death will haunt me for a long time.

Alcoholics leave enormous scars on everyone whose lives they touch. The difference is my scar is healing, I believe I got out in time - others are not as lucky.

Get out for you - you owe it to yourself, you are worth it! You deserve to live a happy, loved life. You won't get that with him. Not now anyway. I told him to get sober for one year and come back to me - but he could not even last a week in a program. That said it all to me.

Take care and God Bless you.