dreamygirl, I thank you for your response, and I know you loved him. How did you get over it. Sometimes I get so sad that I know I'll never have the man I fell in love with. My AH was sober at one time over 14 years, but now he's late stage (last 6 years) and there is absolutely no hope. How did you deal? How were you able to put it aside and not look back???? I too go to Alanon and I find it's not helping me much right now. It's all too much at the moment. Thanks.