Thank you - it took me a while but I got past it. I no longer have any love for him, he ruined all that with his abusive actions. Regardless of whether he could control his behavior he COULD control how much he lied to me before I even married him.
I have slowly but surely healrf - as we ALL do and moved on with my life. I have fallen in love with a wonderful man who supports, understand and sympathizes with all I endured.
It is sad that my ex died, but it was also to be expected given the way he conducted his life. I shared the story so others can see there is hope and life after a relationship with an alcoholic. To sit around for years and hope they will quit or think you can save someone who shows NO promise in recovery will only ruin your own life.