I'm sorry your going through this. It's tough.
When my exabf was active he didn't care what responsibilities he had or have any respect for me or anyone close to him. He just wanted to get to the bar asap and if i couldn't get in touch with him till closing .... oh well. His own mum told me that he always hurts the ones he loves. He was selfish and beer always came first. Your definately not alone in this. Mine also had no empathy when became sober so some are just not nice from the beginning.