i am also new to this site. but let me tell you....you are in the right place. the people here are just packed full of knowledge/understanding/empathy/and have all the tools and can tell you how to use them to help you in YOUR recovery.
i am not that very far away from where you are right now (in your heart & head) my story doesn't matter because you know what?.....we all have a story.......and i am not trying to be mean to you by saying that. i know how much you love your son and i know you beat yourself up over this. STOP. he won't let you take care of him....but you can take care of you.
check out this whole site. read others post. ask lots of questions. you may not like or agree with the answers you get but trust me...they are the right answers.
i am 13 days 15 hour and 55 mins. clean from enabling. i wish i could say the same thing about my addict, but i can't. just like i can't clean him up. i can only clean me up.
i hope you didn't think i was too harsh with my words. that was not my intention. i only wanted to convey to you that i understand.....i really do.
again check out this site. it is a "SAFE PLACE TO FALL" and we all need those.
dustie