Im afraid I agree with LTD on this.
Sacrificing ones own safety and sanity in the name of being there for someone else..thats pretty much being a martyr. Giving up your own life for someone elses...yep still a martyr, from where Im sitting.
I used to do lots of this stuff. I did it because I didnt want to leave. I loved him, wanted to look through rose colored glasses, but wanted attention and wanted someone to say, "OMG! Your life is SOOO hard! I feel SOOO bad for you!"
I don't understand for the life of me why anyone would stay in the situation you have described. I have been a battered woman, Ive been in an abusive relationship and I know what it does to a person. I left, millions of women leave, and stop making excuses for their abuser and themselves.
Bottom line here in my opinion. You dont want to leave.
So dont. What will you do to stop spinning your wheels and thriving on the drama?