But they probably would right now -- and it's stopping me. Isn't that enough?
Bella you tell me, is it enough? Are you happy with your self? Forget about what others may think or see you as now, when there is no one around, are you happy?
Interestingly, during my therapy session this evening, my therapist said, in response to my continued resistance to seeking help such as A.A., "What? Would it be easier for you if you did go out and drink again first? Do you need to fall down a few times to be prompted into going?"
Bella I had to chuckle when I read what your therapist said.... sounds as though he may be in the rooms.
I guess it makes sense that I'm frantic to grab ahold one of my past crutches, huh?
Alcohol as you have already learned (maybe not well enough yet) is a very poor crutch, for me it was a crutch that took control of me both physically, mentally, and spiritually, it took me to a hopeless state.
For some reason, I find it easier knowing this. Less ashamed for some reason. Not sure why.
The lessened shame could be no shame, what shame is there in one seeing they have a problem? None if they do something about it.
Now... now I guess I seek help. For some reason, I feel a little less like it's my fault now that I can see a natural progression. Like I'm not just being weak and stupid by drifting back toward alcoholic thinking when I should be past it. That probably doesn't make sense, because I suspect I'm not articulating it as well as I'd like... but it makes sense to me, which is I guess what matters most.
Bella that makes perfect sense to me, but then again I am an alcoholic and comprehend that type of thinking, this is one of the things I love about AA, rooms full of people who understand my thought process and help me to deal with my thinking without drinking!
thinking without drinking
LOL Sorry but I had to laugh at that line, I guess I am a poet and I just don't know it!