First of all, I really am amazed at the level of support here. You guys are really so cool. Thank you.
I think I've had an epiphany of sorts. I mean, I guess it was becoming clear, but... there's a pattern. I drank from my teens into my early- to mid-20s... then I developed the eating disorder, which overlapped briefly but eventually took precedence (I switched addictions, I suppose).... then, while dealing with ED, I met my boyfriend and I wanted to badly to be healthy for him, and since he didn't drink, he was "safe" -- so I guess that I made HIM my focus (new addiction?)... now that he's gone, I guess it makes sense that I'm frantic to grab ahold one of my past crutches, huh?
For some reason, I find it easier knowing this. Less ashamed for some reason. Not sure why.