Bella
This is kind of how I feel, too. I mean, I've gone six years sober! Who cares if it's willpower? It's not like I've been thinking about alcohol the entire time -- as someone else said, it ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes. I have periods where I'm triggered and struggling, and periods where it's easier or not even an issue.
I think I'm just confused right now.
I am not being mean at all when I say this, I say this like a good friend would say it. It does sound like you are a bit confused right now, just grab a pen and paper and write down all the reasons you came to a forum for alcoholics. We both know you did not come here out of simple curiosity, there were reasons, questions you wanted answered, concerns about your self and drinking. Something is not right with you and drinking or you would not be here. Keep seeking and you will find happiness.
AA was the answer for me, it was not (To my knowledge anyhow, because he passed when I was 19) for my father, he was a recovered alcoholic who quit at a much younger age then me. He was a good father, a good husband, a good person, and happy.
Recovery is all about change, abstinance is simply not drinking. My father changed according to my mother, I have changed and continue to do so, I needed AA in my life to do that and continue to do so, some find recovery in other programs, some in religion, the vast majority of those recovered alcoholics maintain their recovery with the aid of others, it just makes change far easier when not doing it alone.